cryptid in july poetry day 19, the goat-man

a poem about the goat man

i want to be a cult figure
but i am just a filthy beast
washed only by rainstorms

today i felt so sad that i ran
at 3 a.m.

i head-butted trees
until i knocked them down
and angered birds

i rolled in the grass and screamed
then quietly rocked and cradled
my body
in the fetal position

i stayed very still and quiet and grinned
a little in the dark

i found a jar of aspirin
i drank the bitter pills with rainwater
as fleas bit my head

i saw someone on the bridge and wanted to communicate by rubbing our heads together

i wish i lived in a permanent teen midnight in the suburbs

cryptid in july poetry day 18, the mantis-man

a poem about the mantis-man

the day after his birthday
after a hard night of drinking
deep within a festering
barren pool of pollution
under the city
the mantis-man formerly known as Shane
woke up on his couch at 4:45am
in his underwear
with a terrible stiffness in his neck
saw no texts from his girlfriend
and went back to bed

the mantis-man and his girlfriend are both compliance attorneys in their early thirties
they share an office
they are both left-wing
ultra-conservative conservationists
that spend their off-time flour-pasting environmental flyers to telephone poles

the mantis-man has many problems
the spikes on his grasping forelegs are dull
many people hate him because he is a mantis-man
some people hate him because he has extreme difficulties communicating with others
this makes others feel uncomfortable around him

contrary to what you might think
the mantis-man is not a fictional character

cryptid in july poetry day 17, el cuero

 

a poem about el cuero

drifting aimlessly
through the surf
on xanax
drinking spinach-cucumber-celery-coconut water
listening to dreamily electronic music with headphones
el cuero
imagined an insane samurai on a battlefield slaying 100 people while screaming coconut water with no one knowing what coconut water is
el cuero
imagined a badly lost time-traveling cyborg fighting 100 jellyfish while experience severe water damage
el cuero
imagined the president beginning a speech with "imagine everything you know is wrong" then 10 minutes of silence
el cuero
imagined itself decorating an apartment with tiny pieces of broccoli and cauliflower
el cuero
imagined itself buying a toy poodle and talking to it nonstop
el cuero
imagined ‘god’ as a giant comet millions of times larger than earth plowing through earth
el cuero
imagined itself tearing out someone’s throat
el cuero
imagined asking random people in boats if they have adderall or xanax and if they do showing them a gun
el cuero
imagined if species of plants had as much advertising every year as brands of drugs
el cuero
imagined if there were people promoting slowness and nature as hard as technology

cryptid in july poetry day 16, the fouke monster

a poem about the fouke monster 

i rub my beautiful fur against the bark of a tree

i have lain on the floor of the forest alone on most major holidays lamenting my lack of motivation, and my financial status

my moans of despair go unnoticed

unseen, i suffer in the vast emptiness of the state park

deer run by me, ignoring my loneliness

i don’t care that i’m unhappy

i hold a degree in animal husbandry

my ex was a prominent meteorologist at a highly-ranked local news station that was independently owned by an environmentalist who believed in global warming and drove a hybrid SUV

we were happy

we moved to a small forest in Arkansas

just outside city limits

but after the miscarriage the meteorologist became moody and defensive

i divorced the meteorologist

the meteorologist went on to write several books of philosophy and was invited to speak on several well-known talk shows

i saw a picture of the meteorologist in people magazine next to an article about the anthropogenic effects of thermal pollution on the natural environment

i don't understand what's wrong with people today

cryptid in july poetry day 15, the squank

 

a poem about the squank

i cry
from sadness
frustration
confusion

i cry
like a baby
or someone whose family died in a tornado

i recommend crying

cry and sob sober
while writing a novel

i enjoy saying
”you like talking to yourself, don’t you”
alone in the woods
stoned

i realized emotion pain
was just yearning

someone continually cried me into existence
it’s crying
i’m its tears
and when it stops i’ll disappear

if you try to find meaning from this poem
just know
i can create a giant sentence that will kill you

cryptid in july poetry day 14, your favorite lake/sea monster

 

a poem about the dolphin man of the euphrates river

i pretended i was
taking a vacation alone
because that’s the easiest way to leave and never come back

when was the last time you crossed a body of water

i used to train dolphin pods
for the bomb-squad
and get high on nitrous

imagine you are in a nature sounds mp3 recording of the euphrates river
except that it’s real
and the soft metals and radiation in the water can hurt you

i am the dolphin-man 

all of my bones
will soon be graced with cancer

cryptid in july poetry day 13, the mountain creature caught running behind the google car

 

a poem about the mountain creature caught running behind the google car

the mountain creature caught running behind the google car was very sad and ashamed because it had to go outside each day for 15 minutes so its skin could absorb UV B radiation and convert that to pre-vitamin D3 and then isomerize that into vitamin D from the sun

after college it had moved home
to allow for
time to think

between naps
it stuffed its face
into its pillow
and said “Aaaaarrrghhhh”

when it woke
it was almost dark out
and it was sweating

its thoughts swam like animals that could not swim

they struggled
sank
floated to the surface
bloated
upside—down

the mountain creature caught running behind the google car can feel a white sphere of energy inside its stomach

it is a scream

it runs out of its room
down the stairs
away from the living room
and into the street

it can’t control its emotional balance

”i don’t want to be on this earth any more,

i wish there were many earths,

and that i had a choice between them,

i think i would be happier if there were many earths,

i wan’t to destroy the earth,

i am not a heart-warming character in a fable of spiritual renewal,

god i feel fucked today,

there are so many details i want to notice in the world,

but don’t,

i’m starting to live inside myself,

inside my own metal illness,

did that car just take my picture?”