Search This Blog

9/26/22

i review 'this house is haunted' and interview the author known as disaster tourism

 


Reading this book I felt excited, and when the book ended I felt excitement for a while (20-30 minutes).

I read or reread this book in bed, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, and at a 24-hour deli where nearby people were hating their lives and hating the universe, while staring at my phone.

This book seems afraid of boring the reader or using too much of the reader's time and like it wants to finish quickly and be a nice, considerate book; I like books and people like this, it feels like the author worked very hard deleting words and sentences that people might be bored by.

I want my books to have this quality.

If I like something I want more of it, I want everything to be like that, and it does not get 'annoying' and it is never 'enough'. If Disaster Tourism wrote five more 'This House is Haunted' I don't think I would ever say something like 'it was good the first three times but then it was like, come on, can't you do anything else, make something up'; I would be like 'yes, I like this; since I like this I want more, thank you'.

Any of the above would make for a good blurb.

I will write another blurb now.

'Disaster Tourism is a rising star. Rising out of the shit of the world. Into newer kinds of endless shit.' - Spooky Rusty

That is my blurb for the book. 

That is how I blurb.

It would help sell tens of copies if they'd put my blurb on this book.


The books has about a dozen 'system neutral enemies', some tables to generate encounters for locations, and provides tools to develop an increasingly spooky 'atmosphere'.

I'll roll on the 'd666 creepy things' table to show a few ways to further spookify any situation: 
 
551. a dollhouse that is a replica of this home, but is missing this particular room. 

415. pinboard of scalps

354. a knife that slices, dices, and julienne on its own

356. a door that will not let you leave

224. a white man with answers only presented through mansplaining

655. man-shaped tree or a tree-shaped man that moves closer and closer

511. serpent of unimaginable size flicks its tongue from a cramped space, laying in wait


This table alone is worth having for your horror games. There's some humor found here and other places in the book.


How about a house plant that can sprout up to a 100 homunculi? Fuck yes. Each 'enemy' in the book comes with a reaction table (like miens in troika) and wants.

Anyone purchasing this book should be able to immediately have a game ready for their friends with minimal preparation. It's that well laid out with the right amount of information. I would recommend not prepping much before hand and generating most of the house on the fly (there's a dung fly in here too) as the party investigate whichever rumors you gave them. Everything is written as 'period generic' so it should be easy to insert this into any of your campaigns. 


If you ever wanted to roll 16d6 at once to generate a mannequin workshop this book is for you.

Some of what you'll find in the book:
1. six tables to generate your own ghosts 
2. rats that vomit a pustulent boiling bile
3. expressive layout with several original art pieces
4. a gibbering doll that may recite poetry at a speed you can barely follow (more ttrpg products should involve poetry)
5. a mannequin workshop generator
6. 
a dried cow's tongue that swells when danger is near
7. a green house with 5 killer plants
8. 
a 9ft clown that has to hunch throughout most rooms in the house after you (this one really freaks me out) 


I recommend vibing out with music from Vatican Shadow if you run this game for your friends.

An interview with the author

Can you type a dialogue you've had in real life that you remember and liked?

Me: Luna what do we do to cops?
Luna: Say "fuck you" and give them a knuckle sammich


Can you type a dialogue you've had in real life you remember and disliked?

Me-in Walmart shoplifting a baby doll for my kid
My kid-Daddy you didn't pay for this!!!! (really loud)

What do you do on the internet if you're bored?

Usually watch horror movies.

If you could leave yourself a present in the future what would it be?

A cabin in the woods.

What did you do in place of writing before you started writing?

Painted a lot of miniatures and made model scenery and terrain. I'm a huge hobbyist.

What are you writing now?

Three re-writes of my last years Halloween games, Several as of yet unannounced Troika projects with a few cool people, and a mothership pamphlet. We'll see how those go. Also have a game coming out built on the WYRD framework that I'm releasing in November.

You can purchase 'This House is Haunted' on their website (if you order now you should get it before Halloween), follow Disaster Tourism on twitter, check out their other games on itch.io, and consider joining their patreon.


(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right where you can purchase my zines)

9/24/22

1x new background and 4x new items (troika exclusive)

I got home from work last night and was bored.
I checked everything I check online in about 3 minutes. 
Tony was on Discord. 
He said, "today I achieved a level of boredom that I haven't felt for a long time, maybe ever." 
We both typed "I'm bored" or variations of that a lot of times. 
I told Tony I wrote him into my novel. 
He said, "send it to me, it might relieve boredom."
He read it and felt less bored. 
We talked more on discord and then logged into our 'office' on gather to video chat. 
I showed him some things I have been working on and now I will share them here:

Masked DJ

Your music is being played in the background of all MTV shows now. It is easier for beings from other spheres to get into songs where someone says ‘fashion’ over and over again because it is one of the only English words that everyone knows. There’s no such thing as too many remixes, you say to the journalists every time you are interviewed. You create 4dimensional experiences for your fans bringing the joy of love, music, and dance to people around the spheres.  Possessions:

-a cd binder full of electro mixes (they all kinda sound the same but trust me, each one of them is very special and meaningful ok?) -a complete multimedia experience with lights and dancers, fireworks, projector -one of the most ‘relevant’ and ‘organically created + released mp3s of the year' -an inflatable heart to represent the human spirit -a blurb about being ‘the next big thing’ in some notable magazine that will go out of business next year -a mask Advanced Skills: 1 dancing 2 meaningful Live DJ set 3 twisting knobs, mixing levels, filtering sounds, and remix theory 4 staying relevant + interesting. Special: You can make people throw their hands in the ayer and wave them like they just don’t cayer for 1d6 rounds.
4x Magic Items:

Shin Guards

Shin guards that Match your personal brand (+1 armor).

The shins are where the souls of your legs reside, treat them with care.


Gladiator Sandals

Fashionable and practical (+2 fighting).

Ready to gladiate?

Beard-Bandada 

I suggest wearing this while you rob a bank, then they'll all be looking for a man with a beard, not you.

Perfect for your friend who can't grow facial hair and seriously funny on anyone who already has a big beard.

A win-win kerchief.

(Not useful for scene stars who leave a bandana hanging out of their back pocket)


Summoning Cigs

A 50/50 chance to summon the spirit of a random background.

Mien:
1. Helpful
2. Evil
3. Unpredictable

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right where you can purchase my zines)

9/20/22

someone reviewed my zine and interviewed me so i decided to review them, another zine, and call ernest hemingway on the phone

Exsilium Games is the author of The B Team (an entry from the Troika City Jam) and Crystal Spinx (which is also available in print from Spear Witch). 

They live in the UK. 

They reviewed my zine 'Third Sphere' (Troika! exclusive) and interviewed me as well as the designer Tony Jaguar (you should hire him if you need art/layout).

Go here to read what they and I have said about it.

I've decided to blog about their zine 'The B Team' and another submission to the Troika City Jam, 'Stack Gang' by Orbital Intelligence

The B Team:

It's inspired by (and I'm quoting the zine itself when I say this) "The A Team (1983), Jarhead (2005), Planet of The Apes (2001), and the song Loose Talking from the band Show Me the Body". I recommend listening to this song after reading this blogpost and think of apes cleaning their weapons in the undergrounds of Troika City, plotting their next mission, to infiltrate a Banana Republic. I listened to the song on repeat. They have become one of my new favorite bands. 

It provides 4 backgrounds (with stats if you'd rather use them as enemies), tables for generating adventures, and a unique voice. 

Layout is clean and I love the xerox vibe of the character art.

My favorite character is LCPL "Glock" Gibbons. 'A seasoned veteran and published author'. Many of his books are on Troika City best-seller lists. Salmon Rushdie has tweeted the words 'important' and 'good' regarding Gibbons. 

The B Team is pushing Troika forward and doing something different. I like this. 

This zine should be sold at wal-mart, k-mart, and toys 'r us.

Stack Gang:

It's a whole-ass setting about a group of people standing on each other's shoulders (you can play as these backgrounds), Stack Gang Magic, Heaps, TrashCorps, TrashCans, Flatmen, 2 dimensional entities, and 3 dimensional entities.  

I read 'Stack Gang' over the last few days (it's a lot of pages). Really like it. It had me laughing on the bus, I looked crazy. Just looking at my phone with no sounds coming out. 

Laughing. 

Repeatedly. 

You can read more about the book at the following link. Orbital Intelligence has learned the art of markdown (something that I feel is quickly gaining popularity in the osr/nsr and I would like to learn as well in the future with the help of this website/book perhaps) to share their ttrpg catalog online, freely.

GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED GET $$$TACKED

Stack Gang is pushing Troika forward and doing something different. I like this. 

This zine should be sold at wal-mart, k-mart, and toys 'r us.

phone interview with ernest hemingway:

'is ernest hemingway there?' i said

'i'm ernest hemingway' 

'you are doing a novel about fishing with machine guns; tell me about it'

'the fishing with machine guns novel—'

'darkness will descend on your head under the cover of night and the incoming death of blackness against your face; rise up, the death of thousands will cover your face like a veil of darkness,' he said

'this interview is over' i said

i hung up

i went to the kitchen

i took a monster to my bedroom

it took so little time that physics took human form and punched me in my face

Edit:

The faces in the art of 'Stack Gang' look 99.99% like A.I. art.

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right where you can purchase my zines from itch.io or drive thru rpg)

9/10/22

if you like someone's writing tell them or put it on the internet somewhere that you like their writing and they will live longer and write more

Many writers probably continue writing only because every couple of weeks or months they read some little thing on the internet, some evidence that their writing had an actual effect on a human being that they do not know. 

When I wrote Third Sphere, or any of my other releases on itch, one comment or 'internet thing' from a human being that I did not know, saying that they liked whatever release, would motivate me enough to work for like 5-10 more days or something on my next rpg project; I would read the same internet thing more than once, and it would still motivate me.

When I say 'motivate' I think I mean not only in terms of writing, but also life, like it would motivate me to continue living and work on living.

Maybe that is dramatic; I just thought about it a lot and I'm not sure; no, I think it's true; right now I do I think.

If I read something I like I immediately want to tell people and let the person know I like their work.

Promoting other people is the same as promoting yourself, except that when you are promoting yourself you have more information, you know exactly what it is you are promoting.

If I promote Werner Herzog and Werner Herzog promotes me then we are both promoted, but less effectively if we had promoted ourselves, yet we are both viewed as 'good' people (or less 'disgusting people') for promoting others and not ourselves. 

I am going to blog about emotions. 

I'm going to post excerpts from Evey Lockhart's writing to show how her writing makes me feel 'severely invested emotionally'.

I think Evey's books are calming to me, it might be due to other factors like where I read these books, or what I ate while reading them or something, but I remember feeling very calm after and while reading them.

I think I read so many of her books because she just sort of merges from real life into fiction, and stays open to the actual experience of life.

When I read Evey's books I feel like she has set very high standards for herself, that she has worked very hard to have it be insightful, original--anything but boring. So I can sort of stop analyzing my own reading (am I wasting my time?) and trust that everything in the book will be good, read it sort of lucidly with actual unselfconscious enjoyment. She's such an inspiration. I really admire her diy punk attitude. 

Now I'll talk about some of her work (most of these I've read twice or three times):

1. Pastel School Girls

After reading it I thought about it and felt good. I like the ideas in here a lot. For example there are no backgrounds provided (playable classes). Instead players choose between different skill load-outs and specials (no players may choose the same thing). This is something that I'd like to see more of in Troika. I want to live in this setting. It reminds of that cartoon Doug a little.

2. The Day the Diner Disappeared

I ran ~4 sessions using this zine as the start of the campaign. I really enjoy these backgrounds. They are slice of life. The 'Landscaper' is my favorite background in the collection.

"It says 'Landscaper' on the side of your pick-up, but really you just mow lawns.

You’ve got no clue how to design a garden, artfully trim a hedge, or anything like that. Nobody buys those services anymore anyway. Each year ends with a few fewer clients.

You just cut the grass, smile, nod, and collect your vanishingly small checks. "

 I love this. The zine includes 6 backgrounds, encounters for you diner, and more.

3. Lovely Little Weirdos

I thought of these playable characters as sad and lonely but not afraid, not weak, who instead of withdrawing into themselves go places and be 'strong', 'independent', and aren't 'nervous'. I feel really connected to these characters outside of the normal connection you feel from rpgs such as 'I like this character because I made them', 'based them on myself' or a character you already have an 'attachment' to from a video game, movie, or book. 

The zine includes 3 backgrounds; slovenly sloblin, bold lumberbaby, and six raccoons in a weird wizard's coat.

4. Autumn Elementals: Beings of Soil & Wet Fallen Leaves: in three visions

This one starts off with a description of the setting in the form a poem. I really like that there's an audio version of this release too. 

"Midnight beneath suspicious light,

and ill begotten wind,

you arise

from leaves, loam, soft roots, and sin!" 

Here you get 3 troika backgrounds of unnaturally animated autumnal things. My favorite is the 'Cold Fire-Pit Creature'.

5. Kill the Queen

I ran this in-conjunction with the mini Diner campaign. Evlyn Moreau did all of the art. The big bad evil person in this cyber city adventure is a 'memekween lesbian who keeps all the queers in place' and 'ensures that all attempts at queer organizing remain too burdened with infighting to accomplish anything'. It's sincere, funny, sad, and contemplative. If you don't like buying PDFs this one is available in print. The print version feels amazing in your hands. There's a nightclub in the adventure and when my players visited the establishment I kept 'beatboxing' songs by The Prodigy lol. 

6. Cave of the Feral Catgirls

It's a weird, sad adventure cave system that includes a cat-dragon. Evey's writing is so dreamy. I'll quote a passage now.

"Imagine a light gray tabby cat, stretched onto a slender human frame. Now imagine her casual furtive movements through uneven, pale pink caves. A sturdy crossbow dangles off her hip. She straps a small quiver of bolts onto her thigh.

Now, imagine her playfully whipping wicker-balls into her sleeping sister's cozy, fabric scrap nest. Imagine the tussle that ensues when the sleeping sister awakens."

UwU, I really want to run this game. 

7. Ashcan People Vol 1

It's an epud with a neighborhood and 36 backgrounds. There's some setting info but I'll let that be a surprise. Some backgrounds I really like are the Quetzalcoatloid Supermodel, Trashfire Phoenix, and the Pretty Kitty with Pearlescent Dragonfly Wings. I'm sure volume 2 will be out soon.

8. The Ruinous Palace of the Metegorgos

Reading about misery, failure, unhappiness, loss, and even depression is more interesting to me than reading about their opposites. Maybe this has something to do with the way the solitude and safety of writing lends itself to exploring feelings and experiences that are just too unpleasant or unruly to deal with at most other times. You've probably already heard about this book. The art fucking slays.

9. Very Pretty Paleozoic Pals, Permian Nations

This is a very comprehensive book. I blogged about playing this game solo already. If you spend any amount of time reading this book you'll feel like you need to go out into the world and be nice to people and never hurt anyone and be annoyed or irritated and I feel something like this is extremely rare when reading and if you read this book you will treat the following people better, maybe, old people, 'insane' people, people who go around mumbling things like they're insane, people who appear disheveled and dirty, and people who are alone all the time and appear 'inhuman'.

10. How Does it Feel

A solo game that comes with an audio version. Every reads the zine and provides all the rules you need but the story belongs to you. It's a game about creating your own monster and their experiences. You decide how they arrived on our planet and how they feel about it. I felt a deep calming listening to Evey read the book to me. Almost like ASMR. You don't even need a pen, paper, or dice to play. I've played many times just in my mind while listening to the audio file with headphones on in my bed at night.

There's so many more releases you can find on her itch page and most of them, if not all, have community copies. I'd like to suggest buying them if you find enjoyment from them like I have.

9/3/22

i review 'twice made, once forgotten' and interview the author known as bolt-neck opossum



Before I get into this review I'd like to point out a few things.

There is no 'better' in art, only 'different'.

I think some people never learn this or else they forget over time.

I think that many more people know it, that there is no 'better' in art but those are the people who don't get much attention.

I decided to let the things I wrote about this book 'sit' for one day (or more?) and to edit them again (and again?) before posting them here; this is so that what will be posted here will have a certain two-day minimum accumulation (or de-accumulation) of insight, originality, clarity, interestingness, ungeneralizationness, excitement, cogency, and readability.

Initially I didn't think the book was that great, but I looked at it again and kept an open mind; actually I was just a little detached form it.

I read this book in a firestone, the tire repair place.

Then again one night between a comfortable seat outside and my bed.

It's a system agnostic book and therefore provides no stats. 

The book uses Belief Maps as reference tools to help you determine what NPCs will do based on their core and peripheral beliefs. An example scenario is provided. Not every group of NPCs gets these belief maps though. 

Here's an attempt to briefly summarize the introduction of the book. 

It starts raining on the fields of a farmer named Boris Koza. 

The storm seems weird. 

There's magenta lightning.

It rains the next day.

It rains the next day.

It rains the next day.

There's a flood for the first time.

More rain.

Rain ceases. 

The goats of the farm have been transformed by the storm. They now walk on their hind legs, call the farmer father, and call themselves the Koza. 

Included are 8 'situations' for you players, fleshed out in varying degrees. Each 'situation' incorporates a different cast, faction, enemy, npc, or all of the ladder. 

One 'situation' features a pair of magically minded alchemist Koza twins. Along with a paragraph about them we get information on their previous and potential future clients as hooks. 

Koza are the center of the setting from which everything else in the book seems to spring from. I can relate to some of their herd. Without getting too involved with the story line and themes, many of the Koza suffer. To some existence is suffering, hopelessness, disappointment, and meaningless.  

"Their bodies are flawed and ill-suited to existence. They lack the ability to grasp things. Their bodies hurt on four legs or two. Their minds constantly reel between the needs of a goat and the needs of a human. It is agony."

Though there is another group of Koza who view life as a blessing.

Another 'situation' in the book involves an abandoned magical child in a 'disused castle scorned by time'.

"Below the neck a human toddler, squirming and ruddy; above, clouds slowly drift. They do not want food or water, though their clouds will consume anything magical they are left near. What they need is stimulation: to be held and loved and shown the world. Their growth will mirror that of a normal human, though even in adulthood the clouds will never leave them. "

I like everything about this. We should team up right now, get the child, and teach them to avoid people who mock and ridicule others while promoting slowness, nature, and carefulness.

Accompanying a few possible adoptees for the child, besides us, there's a d20 'Moods of the Child' table that details how the clouds react to the child's emotions. 

"Guilty: Frost forms on the child’s shoulders and dark clouds heave with deep breaths. 

Jealous: Lightning arcs from dark clouds and static charge clings to all nearby."

By my count there are 68 NPCs. At least 10 of them are Fey creatures listed in a d10 table called 'Fey and their Portents'. Here's one I could run a whole one shot about. 

"Countess of Riots: Unbreakable wicker lithely stretched into a cat-shape with eyes of embers. They rarely speak. 

Baskets of apples appear during revolutions."

The last part of the book I'd like to talk about is a 'situation' called 'Please for Justice'.

The Koza eventually find a ritual that allows them to summon the justice of the Fae (I know earlier I wrote the word 'Fey', and now I've used the word 'Fae', it's written differently in each section of the book, maybe it's intentional). I find this 'situation' to be the most interesting part of the book. Outsiders from the Koza community are invited (or abducted?) to bring their perspectives and the Koza begin debating, in the presence of a Fae justice, what is best for them overall. Some of them wish to return to their natural state of being a goat. They view their transformation from the weird rain as an affliction from some higher being. The Fae don't really seem to care either way. The book provides detailed opinions the different NPCs have on the matter. 

“Surely you don’t wish us to promote lowly goats to the status of perfection?” Duchess of Tuesday  

“They should prove their means and abilities before having children.” Bret Ligule

 “A deformity to some may be an aesthetic blessing to others— parameters must be discussed!” Lord of the Impossible 

This release is 38 pages, includes 8 pieces of original interior art, and is considered a 'toolkit' for the OSR. 

Some things found within the book that I didn't talk about include:
1. technology
2. fanatic cults seeking to dominate all un-human beings
3. constructs discovering what it means to be 'alive'
4. contradictory dwarves who find themselves as '
scholarly warriors'
5. an evil lair inside the giant skull of a long forgotten beast on a mountain top 
6. psychedelics

In closing,the Koza will live in my head rent free for quite some time, not forgotten.

An interview with the author

After I read this book I felt very calm. My heart beat slower and I moved slower through the world and was very calm (this would make a good blurb for a future print of the book). Tell me what you feel like when you write...

My writing process often starts in a place of walking down an unlit tunnel by feel, so I guess it feels lost or searching? I will say that this becomes less of an issue when I write with a partner as a conversations will help me distill themes and ideas, but most of my writing starts very blind and aimless until I find something I want to explore.

Is this something you test played or ran for friends over a long period of time?

We both have online groups that we test play things with. I tend to not focus on mechanics so any play testing I do is about focusing ideas and the 'if/then" of player agency.

Where do you get your inspiration from?

Inspiration comes from everywhere. A lot of what's in Twice Made came from conversations regarding belief. Particularly how much time popular rpgs focus on either making everything a plain playing field to accommodate social attitudes + the illusion of "balance" or distinct differences in characters based on arbitrary physical markers. We really wanted to dive into the "whys of people". The Vassal came from the line in The Iron Giant, "I am not gun" and what that would mean for folks as a group and not just one person. The Koza came from a mix of humor regarding the fucked up shit fey do in old fairy tales and wanting to have a serious conversation about bodily autonomy with regard to disability and physicality. 

What are you working next?

I always have a bunch of irons in the fire and I never know what's gonna come out of the pipeline. Right now I've got a Troika sphere, Mothership setting book, and a handful of Liminal Horror stuff at various stages of editing. 

If you were literally a possum what would you do?

I'd get so fat. Sleep so much, just strut around, and hang by my tail all day.

The book is for sale at the Exalted Funeral and Spear Witch online stores. 

Follow Bolt-Neck Opossum on twitter.


8/31/22

writing and the internet a d100 table

I did this drawing last night. I call this piece Fort turtle hybrid with 'wet eyes'. It's depicting a scene from one of my upcoming adventures. 

To the best of my ability, I've taken a week off discord.

I'm writing every day.

I've been working on my next few adventures.

Here's a typical 'session' of me working on my adventures.

1. get a can of Valentino Rossi's signature Monster energy drink and drink half of it

2. check e-mail

3. check twitter

4. check for any new submissions to the Troika City Jam

5. feel a little bad that there are no new submissions

6. get up and go to the bathroom

7. sit back down at the computer

8. check twitter

9. maximize the manuscript of the adventure in google docs

10. begin to read it

11. feel a little uninspired

12. think briefly about my future

13. feel a little doomed

14. drink the rest of Valentino Rossi's signature Monster energy drink

15. look on the internet for something to inspire me

16. open youtube in a new tab, click on 'mixes', click on 'Mix - Laura Les - gone with a knife; given all wrong (Slowed + Reverb) [CC]'

17. message my friend 'Sean' on messenger what I'm listening to

18. think about maximizing the manuscript of the adventure in google docs

19. feel small, flex, feel small

20. use the bathroom

21. feel a little hungry

22. go outside and smoke a cigarette

23. back at the computer, check twitter

24. feel social and good from the energy drink and from having just been outside

25. message 'Tony' that 'I think I really want to see what it's like to have a dev editor, like 'Jert', or someone like him'

26. promise 'Tony' that 'I won't go back to college' with a 'shit-eatin-grin' on my face

27. maximize and scroll through my adventure, quickly, without actually thinking about or acknowledging it really

28. scroll to the top and begin to read my adventure

29. notice that my eyes are unfocusing a little 

30. think about other aspects of my life

31. focus my eyes

32. stretch my neck

33. stand up and stretch my neck and arms

34. select-all my adventure and change the font size to eight and single-space it all, to gain perspective

35. scroll down, quickly like a game

36. stop suddenly

37. read over a section

38. delete a comma that I had added the day before

39. delete an adjective that I had added the day before

40. delete some other things I had added the day before

41. go to the part that I consistently enjoy working on and write one or two sentences and add em-dash parentheticals to a few places

42. rewrite those one or two sentences for a long time

43. finally combine the two sentences into one sentence and rewrite that sentence and then finally get a really good sentence there

44. feel really good and social after writing that sentence that was really good

45. reply to some messages because of feeling really good and social

46. send some tweets to some people

47. talk to people for a while

48. use the bathroom

49. begin to feel a little tired and uncreative

50. look at my adventure

51. tell myself to spend one hour straight only working on the adventure

52. acknowledge to myself that it won't happen

53. check twitter

54. tell myself one hour starting now

55. get up and use the bathroom

56. realize the music I have on is getting annoying

57. click on the youtube tab, click on 'Mix - Post-Hardcore' because it has a thumbnail of the album 'Frame & Canvas' by Braid and I know it's going to be the song 'A Dozen Roses', fuck I love that song

58. feel really agitated and hopeless

59. threaten myself to work on the adventure or else

60. begin to read the beginning of the adventure

61. realize that that sentence I thought earlier was good is derivative and not even that good and go to where it is and look at it and then delete it

62. 'undo-delete'

63. copy the sentence and paste it at the end of the manuscript

64. go over all the words pasted at the end of the adventure that I am not going to use for the adventure

65. find that some of those things are really good

66. try to re-insert some of those things into the current manuscript

67. tell myself I shouldn't trust myself to do this right now, since the last coffee I had was a while ago and right now I won't think that anything is good, overall, no matter what, in life

68. type 'PRINT THIS OUT AND ORGANIZE IT' on the top of the manuscript

69. realize I don't have printer ink

70. check twitter and messenger

71. decide to work on my adventure for thirty minutes straight or else

72. go outside and smoke a cigarette

73. sit at the computer, maximize my adventure, and think about screaming

74. check twitter and messenger

75. read reviews of books by Richard Yates

76. think about how I just finished reading his novel 'The Easter Parade' and how depressing but lovely it is and that it feels like a book I'd read to an older woman, in a hospital, at her bedside, and she would think of how much she thinks she relates to the characters but most likely didn't understand or remember what was happening in the novel, because I only came to see her for 45 minutes once a month and spent only 20 of those minutes reading while a nurse stood slightly out of my view in the doorway listening in on my reading and actually relating to the main character

77. really hope that isn't how my future plays out

78. maximize my adventure and write stats for a Utahraptor, Triceratops, and a T Rex Zombie

79. send 'Sean' my dinosaur stats 

80. just keep writing

81. I started this adventure august 6th and it's almost done

82. don't try AT ALL to be sensitive or moving, but just odd and interesting

83. decide to walk to the market and get dinner

85. drink an iced coffee on my walk back 'home'

86. listen to the album 'Shed' by Title Fight.

87. someone should organize all that into a poem and then submit it simultaneously to fifteen online literary magazines as an experiment in... something

88. I thought about deleting the sentence directly above this one, then left it there and wrote this sentence instead; that's like the opposite of revision

89. not the opposite, but you know what I mean 

90. I made it worse instead of improving it

91. what else

92. um

93. I intended every other night to make my adventure better

94. I don't like that I put it all on hold

95. this is the worst blog post ever

96. I want to be attacked in the comments section

97. I want people to attack, to make personal attacks

98. I'll probably attack myself in the comments section

99. actually, I promise to do that

100. I look forward to it