write when you feel sad part 3 (a story of a generation)

Seth looks at a container of cat medicine.

He unscrews the plastic dropper from the container of the cat medicine.

Seth smells the cat medicine.

He inserts the plastic dropper into the container of cat medicine.

He squeezes the dropper.

Cat medicine fills the dropper.

Seth walks to his cat.

He holds the cat's mouth open.

He inserts the plastic dropper into his cat's mouth.

He squeezes the plastic dropper.

He looks at his cat.

Seth takes the dropper out of his cat's mouth.

Seth's cat makes a sound.

He screws the plastic dropper into the container of cat medicine.

He puts the container of cat medicine in a drawer.

Seth walks to his bedroom.

He plays the album Steady Diet of Nothing by Fugazi.

He opens a can of organic vegetable soup.

He puts the soup into a pot.

He turns the stove on.

Seth looks at the pot.

Seth pours orange juice into a glass.

Seth drinks the orange juice.

He walks to the window.

He looks at the park across the street. 

Seth thinks "I'm glad don't have work tomorrow."

He thinks "I haven't accomplished anything."

He thinks "I'm still young though."

It's nine p.m.

It is warm.

Seth looks at the soup.

He tastes the soup.

He turns the stove off.

He pours the soup into a bowl.

He takes the bowl to the kitchen table.

Seth eats the soup.

He thinks "This is salty."

He walks to his bedroom.

Seth takes his contact lenses out.

He lies on his bed.

Seth thinks "I want there to be a girl. I want to live with a girl. We would make food together and then we would eat food together. We would do dishes. I would do the dishes and she would put things away. We'd lie in bed."

The bedside light is on.

Seth looks at his alarm clock.

It's three a.m.

Seth is wearing jeans and socks.

Seth walks into the living room.

The lights are on.

The TV is on.

The TV shows the DVD player's screensaver. 

Seth's cat is lying on the floor.

Seth walks to the couch.

He sits on the couch.

Seth touches his cat.

He says "You dingus."

He pets his cat.

He smacks his cat's ass.

Seth's cat leaves.

Seth lies on the couch.

He unbuttons his jeans.

He thinks "I want to like the way someone looks and to like other things about them a lot and have it be mutual and not have anything bad happen right away."

Seth's cat makes a sound.

write when you feel sad part 2 (a story of a generation)

Tony takes a shower.

Tony brushes his teeth.

He thinks "I'm healthy."

He thinks "Should I have a bidet? At my parents' house, they have a bidet. They have so much stuff. I should have more stuff. At some point."

He looks at himself in the mirror. 

He thinks "I should shave."

He walks into his bedroom. 

He puts clothes on.

He walks to the kitchen.

His girlfriend's cat is on top of the refrigerator. 

Tony says "Come on, baby."

He picks up his girlfriend's cat.

Tony's girlfriend's cat scratches Tony's hand.

Tony walks into his bedroom.

He closes the door. 

Tony puts down the cat.

The cat jumps on Tony's bed.

The cat is just there.

Tony leaves the bedroom.

He closes the door behind him.

He thinks "Lazy ass cat."

He walks to the kitchen.

He washes dishes. 

He thinks "I'm always happy when I get drunk and don't fuck things up too bad. I always think, 'That was dumb. I'm fine.'"

Tony lies on the couch.

He stands up.

He picks up a DVD.

The DVD is Old Boy.

Tony turns on the DVD player.

He puts Old Boy into the DVD player.

Tony turns on the TV.

He presses play.

Tony lies on the couch.

He thinks "I should stop eating wheat maybe."

Tony stands up. 

He walks to the refrigerator. 

He opens the refrigerator.

He looks at a six-pack of bottles of Stella Artois.

There are five bottles of Stella Artois.

Tony picks up a bottle of Stella Artois.

Tony closes the refrigerator. 

Tony walks to the couch.

Tony sits on the couch. 

He drinks Stella Artois.

He watches Old Boy.

He drinks Stella Artois.

Tony turns off the TV.

He picks up the book Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut. 

He drinks Stella Artois.

He looks at his cell phone.

It's ten p.m.

Tony walks to the refrigerator. 

He opens the refrigerator. 

He picks up a bottle of Stella Artois.

He closes the refrigerator. 

He walks to his bedroom.

He looks at his cat.

He sits near his laptop computer.

Tony opens youtube.

He plays the song "Red and Blue Jeans" by The Promise Ring.

He plays the song "(Strawberry Ann) Switzerland" by Braid.

Tony thinks "If I get Chinese food I'll feel okay for as long as it takes to eat the Chinese food. If I get twice as much Chinese food I'll feel okay for twice as long."

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase zines)

write when you feel sad (a story about a generation)

Rusty is in his parents' house. 

He is in the living room. 

There are yarn cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. 

There are plastic spiders in the yarn cobwebs. 

Rusty's parents wear costumes. 

Rusty's parents' friends wear costumes.

Rusty wears a costume.

He sits on the couch.

He eats candy.

He drinks soda.

Rusty eats hotdogs.

Rusty stands up.

There is mustard on Rusty's costume.

He looks at his socks.

There is mustard on Rusty's left sock.

Rusty thinks "I feel okay."

Years later, Rusty is in an arcade.

Rusty plays Silent Scope.

Rusty thinks "Yeah. I'm going to die."

Rusty's character dies.

Rusty walks out of the arcade.

He walks into a record store. 

Rusty looks at the CD Neon Ballroom by Silverchair.

He thinks "I don't know if I should buy this."

Rusty walks out of the record store.

It's Christmas Eve. 

The album Enema of the State by Blink 182 is playing.

Rusty is sitting on a couch.

Jessica is sitting on the couch.

Rusty's heart is beating.

Rusty and Jessica talk.

Rusty thinks "It's easy to talk to Jessica."

He looks at Jessica.

Jessica leaves.

Rusty is sitting on the couch.

The movie Austin Powers in Goldmember is playing on mute.

Rusty looks at Austin Powers in Goldmember.

Rusty thinks "Should I smoke pot?"

It's Christmas.

Rusty is in his parents' house.

He is in the living room.

Rusty is sitting on a couch.

His parents are there. 

His grandparents are there.

His aunt and uncle are there.

HIs other uncle is there.

Rusty picks up a wrapped package. 

He opens the package. 

The package contains a Sub Pop label sampler CD.

Rusty says "Thank you."

He looks at his aunt and uncle.

Rusty's aunt smiles.

Everyone talks.

Rusty's grandparents leave.

Rusty's aunt and uncle leave.

Rusty's other uncle leaves.

Rusty's parents walk into their bedroom.

Rusty walks to his bedroom.

He puts the Sub Pop label sampler CD into his computer.

He listens to the Sub Pop label sampler CD.

He thinks "I like the song 'Things I Don't Remember' by Ugly Casanova, 'Out of the Races and Onto the Tracks' by The Rapture, 'Bandages' by Hot Hot Heat, and 'Finish Line' by Rosie Thomas."

Rusty makes a playlist of those four songs.

He lies on his bed.

He sits up in his bed.

He listens to the playlist.

He looks out the window.

Rain is falling.

It's warm.

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase zines)

soloing the wandering gargoyle dungeon forest using magisk tjej

im going to make a magical schoolgirl character using the zine Magisk Tjej, written by Jennifer Unpleasant.

im just going to start with a single character. i wont make any hacks to the rules during character creation or gameplay (i think people sometimes give their players 'boosts' when playing games that aren't designed to be solo games, but i never do that).

i am going to use this character to play Wandering Gargoyle Dungeon Forest, written by Sean Richer.

if and/or when needed i will use an oracle sheet designed by Perplexing Ruins

Magisk Tjej is a mork borg hack about delinquent school girls and the demons they fight.

i'll share a bit of the character creation process for Magisk Tjej now

what kind of school do you skip?

private

what year are you you?

freshman

what adult and unladylike vice do you have?

beer.

are you brand faithful or agnostic?

i'm faithful to a specific brand still being made

your delinquent weapon?

a chain (d8)

your magical girl weapon?

chalice (1d6)

your adorable yet creepy mascot?

rodent-like. ends every sentence with "chuu." fascinated with explosions.

your reason for being a delinquent?

your parents suck ass

ok now for my stats

north cold, earth, winter = 0

east moist, fire, spring = 0

south hot, air, summer = -1

west dry, water, autumn = 0

my grief is 2

every magical girl starts with tier 1 armor (-d2)

i have named her Juanita Diaz, her closest friends and family call her Janie, and her rodent-like mascot is a rat named Blinker.

last weekend she became best friends with a new student that moved into her neighborhood

her name is Anya Ken'Darek

sunday night Juanita and Anya were drinking beer at Juanita's cousin's shed, behind their house, they witnessed a meteor flying through the sky, and it crash into the next town.

Anya Ken'Darek wasn't in class monday

search parties raked the forest to find Anya Ken'Darek

she wasn't in class on tuesday

the search parties grew, and the best hunting dogs were used, but still no Anya Ken'Darek

now it's wednesday and Juanita Diaz is skipping school

(i roll on the weather table included in wandering gargoyle dungeon forest.)

it's a complete downpour, it's pouring rain. everything is wet and slippery.

Juanita swings her Loopy Lines SUPERBREAK JanSport around to her chest, unzips the large pocket, and gets her umbrella out.

Blinker is holding Juanita's shoulders. Blinker tries to see something interesting through the downpour along the road. 

(i ask the oracle if there are cars on the road. "yes, but a mildly negative twist," the oracle says.)

there are a bunch of cars driving up and down the road right now. we will walk as far off to the side of the road as we can in the direction of the forest.

it's hard to see with the rain but eventually, we see the exit to the forest.

it's long after that before Juanita realizes she should already see the tree line from this distance. 

(as we enter a new location we will roll on the weather table again.)

the complete downpour is still pouring rain. everything is wet and slippery.

Blinker says "lemme take a look around chuu", Juanita sets her down.

(i'll consult the oracle to see what the empty forest floor looks like... "is there a huge gaping hole where the forest once was?" i rolled the dice; the oracle said, "yes, and a mildly positive twist, i rolled on a table on the oracle sheet and we will introduce a new npc.")

There's a huge gaping hole in the field now where the forest used to be. 

Blinker "oh, someone is coming, chuu," Juanita turns around and sees the headlights of a vehicle headed towards her, it's still dark in the early mornings this time of year. 

The truck stops (i roll all of the dice i have been using [3d6+1d4+1d3+1d8+1d12+1d10=28]) 28' from Juanita and Blinker.

an angry gentleman wearing all black clothes inside the truck shuts the engine off, steps out, and approaches the party.

"All them damn trees are gone. I had to see it myself."

"Us too," Janiata says, picking up Blinker.

("does the guy say anything about how Janita should be in school," i ask the oracle. "no," the oracle says.)

"Can you give us a ride to the next town?"

(i roll on the morale table from Magisk Tjej, he's indifferent.)

He looks kinda angrily at Juanita.

"Call A24. All us people who cut these trees for lumber just lost all our lumber and all our jobs."

"I'll give you two dollas if you drive us to Unpleasanton (the next town over). It's my lucky bill."

everyone gets in the truck. they take a short drive to the next town. the man introduces himself as Lightning Jones when he asks Juanita for the cash.

Unpleasanton. 

(roll on the weather table)

as they drive down the only main street of Unpleasanton, the weather clears up. 

(i ask the oracle if the street is busy now we are at the strip, the oracle tells me it's really busy in the worst way)

(im going to alter the scene using the oracle, "NPC acts suddenly")

(i rolled for a symbol from the orcale and got "burial")

Lightning Jones slams on the breaks. the truck slides a little. 

"It's a burial parade ritual of (roll on oracle table) adventurers," he says as they dance across the town square. 

"What does that mean?" Juanita asks.

"It looks cool chuu," Blinker says.

"That's Rex," Lightning Jones points to a large man dancing with a hammer, "The town leader. You never been to Unpleasanton right? There's the BBQ joint. Whatchu gun do here anyway," says Lightning Jones. 

"Well are you going to call A24 or do I have to? My friend is missing. I'm here to find Anya Ken'Darek." She leaves the passenger door open and walks into the BBQ shop.

(i ask the oracle if Lightning Jones mentions the cauldron? nope.)

here is the soundtrack of the session

the hand-jay, an enemy for troika!

A Hand-Jay's main threats are the loss of wetlands due to developments, but also bobcats (they say it tastes like chicken), poisons, and pesticides. When a left Hand-Jay finds a right Hand-Jay, they shake hands and mate for life. 

skill 6
stamina 8
initiative 4
armor 0
damage as small beast or weapon
appearing1d6+1
special: may cast brittle twigs (Troika Numinous Edition pg. 59 or find it here)

mien
1. angrily circling above, ready to swoop down
2. worrying about its 'future' as a 'species'
3. stretching its neck to look around better for shit to steal

I would like someone to spray paint Hand-Jays on buildings for me in the style of my 'art'.

writing process part 2

when i write

i'm absent

i'm somewhere that only exists as a nonexistence

an away place

like i'm with death

it is a good place

it is where i came from

and where i'm going

and it is the place that follows me all my life

and where i can seek sanctuary

at any time

this unknown other place

this is where i am going now

today

there are so many types of writers

one type of writer is someone who has to wait for the thing inside them they feel to push its way out

i am not an intellectual writer

i cannot pre plot

or decide what it will be

i have to find out what it is going to be

i have to wait

for the thing inside me

for the moment of birth

it will say "now i am whole"

"i am ready to be born"

but when it is born the story (or adventure) is still a baby

but it is whole

it will mature

it is ready to be discussed now

i heard a voice inside myself the other day screaming at me

"you've got to get me out of here"

i don't know what it meant

but something was whole

and making noises 

your story will announce itself

the theme will flood your mind and the characters will rise up

and scream their heads off

for me

it is very vivid

i've been spending more time in the county

on my cousin's land

i went on a walkabout before a writing session

and took some photos

CW: black and white deer carcass i stumbled upon (it will be the last photo)

coyotes must have gotten him

one writing process

attend happy hour

have a pain aid

have a sleep aid

find a dollar store journal with a good 'vibe'

open youtube 

search 'emo mixtape'

click on 'filter' 

click on 'upload date'

find a title and thumbnail of the 'current vibe' and listen to that shit

write some of that novella (in longhand)

the 'vibe' tonight is: 'on late nights i still think of you - a midwest emo mixtape'

this mixtape has so many highs and lows

it's tragic that the track list wasn't listed in the video description and that the comments are turned off

i tried to google some lines of lyrics from different songs to figure out who the band was to no avail 

bright eyes is on it, i fucking love conor oberst, he called me on my birthday via face time (here's a screenshot)

i guarantee it that every single member of each band on this 26 minute mixtape has: i hate myself, the mineral, and bright eyes on a music app saved in their cellphones

(at this point in the blog post i found one of the artists on the mixtape because the lyrics were so good and it kind of sounded like a matchbook romance acoustic song)

i searched "we couldn't see the stars, but you said you could feel them,

i couldn't feel the stars"

the next line goes "i want to tell you that I think you're adorable but i think i'd rather you just kick me in the shins"

write for 26 minutes while listening to a mixtape

do it again tomorrow with a new mixtape

you never learn how to write

every time you sit down you have to learn how to write all over again

the process of writing is an exploration

if you don't have time

you don't have priorities

start using that imagination and courage

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase my zines)

(this blog is impervious to criticism)