venmo @spooky_rusty $20 and i will write adventures

Today is my birthday. For $20 each, I will write some adventures where I say things with no point, that don't make sense, and are not 'useful' at all, but are funny and strange enough to be acceptable. Venmo @spooky_rusty with your email. 

Here's a screenshot I took of a video call I had today with Conor Oberst singing me happy birthday.


This offer will stand until I've decided it's over. 

I have completed 1 adventure for 1 customer. I think I will keep this offer open til the end of the year. I would like to do 2-4 more.

2 more people have reached out and asked me to write them an adventure.


david lych's floating head, an enemy for troika!

This strange and bizarre form of David Lych is strongly committed to having a 'worried' facial expression. The 'dead' head contains two red gems with upside-down crosses (worth 2,000 silver pence each). He's extremely protective of his unreleased VHS (priceless) that was filmed in 1.61803 videographic aspect ratio (the golden ratio). Don't ask about the Dune adaptation though, it'll get intense. 

stamina 15
initiative 2
armor 1

damage as fire bolt +1 or bite as small beast.

knows the following spells: coal resolve (troika core book pg59), cockroach (troika core book pg59), skeletal council (troika core book pg66), and teleport (troika core book pg67)

special: test luck or
flee for d6 rounds.

1. sleeping on a 'bed' of fast-food wrappers
2. talking to a doll's head
3. making coffee out of ashes

I would like someone to spray paint David Lych on buildings for me in the style of my 'art'.

now for some lore from the Knife-Shaped Sphere...

The Coffee Drinkers

David Lych makes coffee from ashes.

They get water from a nearby drainage ditch and boil it to get out the bacteria. They get the ashes from jars.

David Lych makes the coffee in a tin pot over a fire.

Werner Herzog sits near the fire.

Werner Herzog is wearing an old Nike shirt and keeps scratching their mosquito bites.

David Lych found Werner Herzog in a parking lot interviewing people for a documentary film about 'white-urbanite-witchcraft'. Werner Herzog was not the greatest person David Lych ever met, they were the only interesting person they have seen in two years.

David Lych puts the coffee in front of Werner Herzog.

Werner Hezog scratches their armpit. 

David Lych says, "Do you remember that Jay Z song where he says something like, Big pimping, something on B-L-A-Des, or something, do you remember that song?"

Werner Herzog sips the coffee and says, "This tastes like shit."

David Lych thinks, "Werner Herzog doesn't like my coffee because he's never had good coffee in his life, he'll never agree to narrate my film," and gives up on the conversation.

(if you'd like to support me there are links on the right to purchase my zines)