6 Encounters for Acid Death Fantasy

I'm going to run a 1 on 1 play by post game for one of my best friends soon so I made a table. (They won't see this post. I think.)

1). An astronaut lays wounded in a crashed spacecraft, damaged beyond repair.  1d6-2 Dunesharks circle the craft. 

2). A humanoid robot carrying a spear and dragging a dead Sahg behind it. It has learned how to hunt by spying on humans, but doesn't understand what to do with the dead animals. It just piles them into its cave. 

3). A Guerrilla Droid, extending their head several meters above their body, is surveying the dunes. It cannot be surprised. Its band of 1d6-2 Guerrilla Droids are within earshot. 

4). A Coated Man with a robotic hook arm commands a group of 6 Rogue Warflock. They demand the players hand over any metal items in their possession, which their leader will proceed to eat. The Coated Man earns +1 skill for each piece of metal he consumes; this effect lasts one day. His hunger for metal can not be satiated. 

5). 3d6 Beaked Starfish make their home in the shade of a disabled A.I. Tank. 

6). A two-headed Ruin Degenerate lays face down in the sand. Their body is half purple & half blue. Players who investigate the body must test luck or suffer a random mutation. (Here's a nifty 1d500 mutation table. It's the first result if you google 'osr random mutation table')

XXX_0
-r

A new background for your Troika! games...

Hamster Girl <3

You ride the bus to the store to shoplift batteries. When you get back home you sell the batteries on an online auction site. Working part time as a janitor at the nearest school isn't coving the bills. 

Possessions:

Bottle of organic cruelty free shampoo

3 boxes of pasta made from organic soybeans your friend mailed you

Bus pass

A box cutter

Advanced Skills:

1 Climbing

2 Shoplifting

2 Sneaking

2 Writing poetry and short stories about feeling existentially challenged

2 Making smoothies

3 Biting (damage as small beast)

I've been writing a modern suburban troika adventure for a MINUTE. Imposter syndrome is real. Don't let that shit get you down. Don't lose momentum. That top piece of art was made using a prompt based AI art generator. I'm including a portrait I drew of her in paint below. Thinking about making my suburban adventure a project for Zine Quest 4. Also contemplating just printing it myself and you know trying to get stores to buy it in bulk and sell copies out of the back of my truck along with my mixtape.

Drop an 'ell Yeah! in the comments if you love Hamster Girl. <3

 

Book Review: The Yellow Forklift by Sam Pink

I really wanted this short story to be more than 15 pages. It reminded me of a girl I dated that wanted to get her forklift operator certification. She came out as bisexual recently I heard. I should have seen her interest in heavy machinery as a sign (I guess). Maybe I never gave her enough attention or appreciation. Good for her. I feel happy about her being happy. (Now back to this book review). To me the eyes on the cover of the book are filled with dread. Like fuck I have to drive the yellow forklift today. The triangles circled around the eyes are like a sharks jaw circling our narrator in dread. This book was released in 2021.

The main character is a water delivery truck driver based out of Indiana (it seems super bleak) we only know by a nickname he gives himself. The Rainman. The yellow forklift is a piece of shit that gives the Rainman a huge headache when he has to load his own pallets of water jugs. You see delivery drivers such as him are only allowed to operate the yellow forklift. It takes like 10 minutes for him to get the damn forklift to even start, the breaks hardly work and the fork's hydraulics are hit or miss. Sometimes Rainman is lucky though and a forklift operator from the warehouse will be available to unload/reload his van for him using the nice red forklift that's electric. 

We only follow the Rainman for two days as he makes his deliveries. On the second day Rainman returns to the warehouse to find the yellow forklift is being driven by Joe. Rainman has never met Joe. Joe was on a leave of absence after trying to get clean for like the third time since losing his wife to cancer. Rainman can't believe the grace Joe has when operating the yellow forklift. It's like it's been completely refurbished overnight or something. Joe is the man! 

I really enjoyed this window into a days life of a water delivery driver. I feel it would make a really great short mumblecore film (honestly I think most of Sam's books would.) Maybe I should buy the rights (I'll ask Sam about that one day perhaps).

This story can be found in Sam’s short story collection Hurt Others.

5 out 5 World Stars!

If you think you'd like Sam's books you should send him a DM on twitter (@sampinkisalive) and buy one directly from him. 

A new background for your Troika! games...

Menial Desk Jockey

If you are an introvert this is for you. Surrounded by grey walls and head down in paper work. No one wants to talk to you but they have to pass by your cubical every day so out of politeness they say "hello". Possession: -TPS report covers. -Suspenders and glasses (+1 awareness and armor) -Piles of paperwork -Fish wrapped in paper (counts as always fresh and a ration) -Red Stapler (ranged and causes damage like whatever your GM agrees to) Advanced Skills: 3 filing paper work 2 business stuff 3 red stapler 1 slacking off Special: You aren't... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX UPDATE: Someone was so moved after reading my background on the official Melsonia (Troika! discord) that they made a companion background called Office Printer. Get it here.

Book Review: The No Hellos Diet by Sam Pink

 
A Florida-Man sent me this book as part of a care package after a bad break up. We played this table top rpg together online called TROIKA! I was laughing out lout not 7 minutes after reading the first sentence. It's a really short story but I took my time reading it for a week a little bit each night after my corporate whore of a job. After reading it I immediately wanted more. Have you ever worked stock room at a grocery store? In my own words. I pay the grocer. I fix the toaster. Sam's style is so fun to read. This is a great introduction to Sam's writing. When Sam said "you just imagined that and it made you dizzy" I felt that. My favorite character in the book is Sour Cream. He wears fake diamond earrings and has catch phrases like "Big-dick time."

Ell yeah! 5 out of 5 WORLD STARS!!!

Pretty Paleozoic Pals part 4 (I invited a friend to play a session with me!)

 Walt is playing Moonbeam, a Fern Hag from Dry Wind Gap. (he's heard about troika before and bought some of their books recently) We met while both attending Memorial University of Newfoundland circa 2009. More on that story another time. I asked Walt to send me something to post on the blog. Let's start with Moonbeam's side of the story...

As the sun was setting Moonbeam waddled along outside of her village to a nearby river. She rarely ventured outside of her village because she wasn't the oldest of dimetrodons but was keen for an adventure every now and again.

The leader of the town of Dry Wind Gap, left earlier in the day and had yet to return. When Bubble Eddie's away, Moonbeam will play! In an attempt to hone her skills, Moonbeam wanted to fish. She hoped to catch a coelecanth but really any fish would do for a bedtime snack. She put her front quarters into the river and thrashed about. Nothing! As she stepped backwards out of the water and let out an exasperated sigh she noticed two travellers about 100 feet away. One was a dimetrodon with a beautiful sail and the other was floating about the ground, a squid-like blob.

'Hey! Hey you, squid girl!' Moonbeam called. The squid-like creature who was holding a number of stone tablets said 'my name is NOT Squid Girl. I am Harpnoodler...' and she chattered on with annoying facts about herself that Moonbeam did not care to pay attention to. Frogbroth the dimetrodon was next to introduce themselves. Moonbeam learned they had been travelling for 3 days and were weary and needed to rest. Frogbroth and Harpnoodler asked Moonbeam if she knew where they could find a friendship bracelet. As Moonbeam was allied with the Guild of artisans and crafters in Dry Wind Gap, she knew it wouldn't take Bliss long to whip one up. 'I think I might know someone in town who might make friendship bracelets,' said Moonbeam - careful not to reveal too much information to these strange travelers from a distant land. Moonbeam was aligned with the elder crafters and artisans guild in her village. There were three kooky dimetrons that were a part of this artsy group. Mud, a quiet and shy dimetrodon who is a cermacist in Dry Wind Gap. Mud made all types of pottery and earthenware dishes, but she would put her own unique spin on them -- incorporating bits of insects and bugs into each piece. Splish, a rough and tough butch lesbian dimetrodon that doesn't take no shit and don't need no man. Splish makes watercrafts and vessels to traverse the rivers and bays outside of Dry Wind Gap. She's a real hammer and nails kinda gal. And lastly, there's Bliss - Moonbeam's closest friend. Bliss is a hippie dimetrodon at heart, one who follows only good vibes and chill flows. Bliss makes beautiful garments using organic fabrics as well as accessories. Although the elders are generally fearful of flowers as they are new to the Permian period, Bliss embraces them and wears a flower crown on her head of yellow and white flowers. Hey, a garment maker has got to keep up with the latest fashions, right? Even if she is a bazillion years old! Frogbroth decided to try to catch a fish and plunged themselves face first into the river. They came out with a fish flapping in their mouth and dropped it on the bank of of the river that was covered in algae. It flapped about. Moonbeam offered Frogbroth and Harpnoodler to stay with her and the other guildmembers for the night and they obliged. Frogbroth tried to catch another fish to bring with them to the village as a token of their appreciation but was unsuccessful. The fish they caught and cut into fillets with a stone would have to do. The sun was almost fully set when Moonbean encouraged them to all head back to the village. So off they set, for Dry Wind Gap.

A collection of my #Inktober artwork

1. Nautiloid in my work notebook. Here's a tip. If your job sucks try using gel pens with glitter to bring the slightest happiness to your work day.

 

2. A little map I drew for my solo Paleozoic Pals game.

3. An alligator looking for cocaine.

4. An airboat. I love bayous. 

5. Self-portrait as a frog. 

5. Bull riding is a metaphor. Ultimately the rider will be thrown. Failing to subdue (insert forces). I drew this because I watched the film Brokeback Mountain for the first time. My heart was broken and I wanted a really sad movie to just break my heart even more. It's a really underrated film. Anyway that's the story behind this one. 

6. This is from a one page dungeon I made that I should share here at some point. He's a druid with 100 dogs and he has this weapon called the 'neuterazor'.

6. One boo and 5 shrooms.

7. What's Stupid Horse thinking? Here's what some of the answers people submitted were...1. "I should feel up their tattoos when I ask them about it." 2. "The perfect mount doesn't exis... I have found the perfect mount!" 3. "Deez Nuts!" 4. "I bet my liver is bullet proof."

8. My final and favorite image. "Where I want to be."

October was really bad personally. I went through a terrible break up. I spent most of my time trying to stay numb. Drawing helped. I got a lot of compliments on my style and I believe my drawing has improved. The plan is to keep making art pieces in my distinct style and to become a true bloomer and no long a doomer.